Mommy Lesson # 1: The Macaroni & Cheese Test

One of the fantasies I had before parenthood was that my husband and I would have lots of hearts-to-hearts with our kids. But now that I'm in the thick of parenthood, I realize that your schedule is overflowing and a young child's interests and attention span don't exactly line up for long or deep talks.

So, I decided that instead of waiting for an opening in the conversation, or waiting until I have time, I will turn to the blog. And the lesson I'd like my kids to learn today is loosely based off of the Occupy Wall Street situation, so it makes sense to pair it with today's earlier blog.

The Macaroni & Cheese Test

Kids, Mommy wants to share a discussion aid with you that will among other tools, keep you from looking like an ignorant schmuck in social circles be they in real life or on-line. You can use this when people are talking sports and entertainment, of course, but it's much more likely you will need it when you come across a discussion regarding something more controversial.

The test:

Before you speak or type, ask yourself whether you put as much time into researching the specific topic as you put into making boxed macaroni & cheese. If you have not, refrain from speaking, or admit that you are not equipped enough to reply. Don't get cocky and think you can weasel your way through it by repeating things you heard on last night's talk show or saw on a friend's blog. It doesn't matter how many large words you use or how passionately, sarcastically, or smugly you respond to something. People in the know will always know who in the group has failed the macaronic and cheese test.

Boxed Mac n' Cheese

The typical time it takes to prepare and cook a traditional 'boxed' macaroni and cheese ranges between 25 and 30 minutes. Of note, this is also the time it would take someone of average intelligence and average reading speed to read either three long newspaper or magazine articles, ten pages of an encyclopedia, or a dozen or so internet news articles depending on their length.


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This rule is timely. Not only are we gearing up for an election cycle where the "form an opinion first, research later if at all" is almost a national pasttime. But we are about four months into the Occupy Wall Street movement. And after four months of information about the movement, its motives, its demographics, there are still millions of people shouting out confident opinions about the movement before they've even opened up the box to pour out the macaroni.

Try Occupying Your Principles

This week, thousands of Americans will stand in groups and sleep on public and private property all night long. This so they can be the first to view a popular teenage vampire-romance movie. Only 'Twilight' fans and people who live and work near movie theaters will know this is going on, and they won't give a passing care to it. Neither will the outer populace.

They won't be the only ones standing in the cold. They are joined by thousands of fellow Americans who will also stand in groups in public and private property, some attempting to sleep overnight. But there the similarities end.

There is a harsh divide between public perception of people who love teenage werewolves and stand up to show it, and people who love their country enough to get loud when things get bad. Opponents of OWS include high public officials, corporations, banks, Wall Street, mayors, more than half of our legislature, most of the wealthiest fractions of the country, the health insurance industry, all of the GOP frontrunners for the presidency, and millions of common citizens, some of whom proudly and loudly took part in the Tea Party protests four years ago.

This is the lesson we learn from this....

Millions of Americans think it's o.k. to meet in groups to applaud really shitty movies, but think it's atrocious for people they don't agree with to use their constitutional rights to public protests.

I think I got that about right.