Hindsight is 20/20

It has been 5 days since the outcry over Obama's school speech began. We have the transcript and beyond a question asking "How will you help Barack Obama help this nation?", it seems pretty mild to most pundits. When Rush Limbaugh says something a liberal created is o.k., I think we can all rest assured that it's o.k..

I think most expected the transcript to be put through a McCarthy-machine to find out any liberal or socialist innuendos or riddles. It probably was. Glenn Beck's interns probably sat all afternoon reading and re-reading, with Marx books by their side for reference, and had to enter his office forelorn that they could find zilch. Gack, what will he talk about tomorrow?

I think most also expected that if the speech ended up being innocent, there would be either distraction or back-peddling from the Republican party. Alas, here it is. And here is Glenn Beck's topic for tomorrow.

Dozens of bloggers are our compass, pointing towards the backpeddling. 'This whole thing didn't start because of his SPEECH, it started because of the curricular questions that CAME with the speech!" "I was never concerned about his SPEECH, it was the idea that it wasn't going to be released until close to the day-of". "I'm not concerned about SOCIALIST PROPAGANDA, just about him making the liberal party look good".

Hindsight is 20/20. Interesting how hindsight is so easily changed. I hope that no conservative out there would aim to mis-interpret their party's reaction to this

Humor is the Last Resort

The torches have been blown out by conservative parents being informed that 'parental consent' isn't an issue because they have a right to both prior-notification and opting-out. And further snuffed by the rather important snippet relating that the White House will be releasing the text for parents to read beforehand (How did I catch that rather important fact? By reading news out of the U.K. about our country rather than reading news from Fox in our country!)

So, why will these groups still be holding pitchforks tomorrow?

Who cares. I'm about out of hope for bi-partisanship (and critical thinking skills) in this country and instead of crying about it I've decided to just go junior high on this and seek the funny factor.

If Obama wants to earn back some liberal appeal after he went from progressive to centrist more rapidly than his coursers they came....he might just try to fuck around with his enemies. These are people actively wishing death on him and carrying semi-automatic assault weapons to anything bearing his name. How could a joke make that worse?

Two ideas for his speech on Tuesday:

1. Stand behind a podium and read from Marx. In German.

Or read this, a piece I wrote today to send to my raging-conservative friend as it was either writing it or berating her over Twitter:

Hello children. Some of you know me as your current president. Others know me as the man Mommy has plastered on her SUV bumper. And others know me as Barack "Hussein" Obama, with that middle word hissed and causing lots of spit to come out of your step-father's mouth. Perhaps a few of you know me as a crazy socialist (@#%@%, but doubtful as those kids are what's called 'boycotting' school today. Seriously kids, look around you. Notice any friends missing? Taylor? Greyson? Brooklyn? Kids who aren't here today have asked that you stop choosing them during basketball team choice. Got it? Don't worry. You can trust me.

But....what matters isn't what I'm called. What matters is that you're here on the first day of school and because of No Child Left Behind, all but the last row of you are probably illiterate and barely able to compute single digit equations. Am I right? Am I right? Hehehehehe.

But I digress. You're here at school to read. Reading is a GOOD thing. Reading things other than the Bible and Bill O'Reilley books is a good thing. You can finish Marx's Capital: Volume I in less time than Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! Try it!

These days, because of a man you might know called George W. Bush, school is going to help you read very very fast. Faster than kids in Taiwan! Maybe even faster then kids in Kenya! Or Hawaii, which if you don't know, is a part of the United States. Reading: Good. Hawaii: United States. Because of 'that guy', you know how to read really fast. Because of me, your fearless DEMOCRAT leader (Pause for teacher cheers), you will soon understand what you're reading! All it took was 8 years and 8 months, and you're finally on your way.

So, it's time for change. For hope. For hopeful change. For changing hope.

Between me being the emperor now and you finally getting to learn how to read because of DEMOCRATS, you will soon know that H.R. 3200 is a good thing that will save us all (kind of like Spartacus), and taxation is a rather pleasant synonym for: Playstation FOUR! You will learn this year that the government is your friend, and that without us your parents wouldn't know whether to strap you into a car seat or make you listen to Rush Limbaugh. Don't worry: We'll let them know which one is cooler!

Beyond that: Math. We're not into that "Old Math" these days, or even that "New Math". What we have now is "Newest Math" and I'm bringing it to you as a DEMOCRAT. Yes, comrades. This is cool stuff. . It's pretty simple: You take a number like, say, our national debt: $11,802,725,462,722.65 and it looks pretty big, right? Nah, not in Newest Math. In Newest Math that's nothing. Go home and ask your parents if that is a big number, and I bet 60% will say it's huge, and half will tell you that it wasn't huge until January of 2009. Either way, they are wrong. Your teacher will get to explain all the magic of it later, but believe me: Newest Math! Newest Math!

Drugs and health. Here I was going to share with you that drugs are bad and health care reform is good, but currently our Pharmaceutical Lobbyists over there in a place called "D.C." are having trouble figuring out who their friends are. Do you have friends like that? Let's call lobbyists and people like that "William" See, William acts all nice to you, giving you candy and comic books, and taking you on fun trips on his helicopter. He's cool, so you agree to carry his lunchbox and let him copy your math notes and let him steal your girlfriend. But then when it's time to choose who is up next on the Tetherball court, or in this case whether to support your health reform bill, William doesn't really choose you. Yeah, he gives you props on Twitter, but he goes behind your back and he starts paying off sixth graders to go out there on that tetherball court and rally against you and bitch about your tetherball rules and lie to your kindergarten teacher....and gah, I'm running out of time.

You have to get past the Williams out there at recess. You have to start reading slower. You have to read Karl Marx. And Hawaii, IS part of the United States. Go home and tell your parents, please.

Thank you! I'll be here all week!

~~

How about Americans, instead of standing, blood boiling, angrily waving around copies of Adam Smith literature, or posting "Please copy this pro-Democrat status update into your Facebook page!".....take some time and write out what they think Obama should say to the nation? Do it seriously or do it as I did. Take it beyond the 'sheeple' level and try to think critically or sarcastically. I think if more Americans could think about things critically and use their sense of humor boot, this type of hysteria that we're seeing these days wouldn't be allowed to exist.

Parental Rights in Public Schools

Today we're given the news story that Glenn Beck listeners, i.e. "concerned parents" all over the country are outraged that their children might be shown a 15-minute video from the president without their consent (See: 1989 Ronald Reagan, 1991 George Bush, Sr., 2001 George W. Bush, etc. etc. etc.).

I'll ignore the wicked retahded and go to something I find, at base, the most important part of this story.

The vast majority of parents in this country do not know their parental rights. It became more apparent today.

So, a call-out to anyone with children in public schools. Part motivational, part informational.

- You have a right as a parent to present concerns relating to anything to do with your child's education. There's an appropriate way of doing this, and an inappropriate way (which takes more time, and will not get you the results you want).

Step one: Go to the correct person. Learn this pecking order: Teacher THEN principal THEN assistant superintendant THEN superintendant THEN school board THEN county superintendant.

Step two: Keep a paper trail. You have a right to see your child's school cumulative (permanent) records and get copies of report cards. Advice: Keep documentation of all concerns. If it's academically related, keep your child's schoolwork. Behavior related? Have your kid write and/or translate the occurances as soon after they happen as possible. Take all documentation with you to any meetings, and after the meetings document exactly what went down so that that too is documented.

Step three: Stay abreast of a situation and stay informed. You have a right to know what process a school is using to assist your child or deal with a potential problem. Ask for clarification if you don't understand why they are doing something with your child. Use the pecking order of someone on the lower end can't give you a firm answer. And keep documentation of this whole process.

Information Rights.

- You have a right to view all of your child's school's textbooks, teacher guides, and lesson plans. If you have any concerns with what content your child is being taught, go through the pecking order until you get to someone that can get you the school's documentation. You have a right to it. Where can I find my child's curriculum? Go to your state's board of education's website and they will have links. Or just head over to their school as they will have them in either books or binders for you to look at. If you have a college/university nearby with a teaching department, they might have copies of all the area's textbooks on hand for you to check out (teacher's guides too!). That or you can just head to your kid's school and ask. It's your right to.

- You have a right to know beforehand what assemblies or field trips your child will be attending or going on.

Meetings/Supervision Rights.

- You have a right to conferences with your child's teacher any time during the year. You are not limited to the report-card conferences. Be respectful with your right: Call ahead and schedule a good meeting time with the teacher and let them know what is to be discussed and what you need them to have prepared for it.

- You have the right to ask that the principal is there to witness a parent-teacher conference. And sidenote: The teacher has a right to ask for that service if they feel it's needed on their end.

- You have the right to visit your child's classroom at any time during the school year. A school can ask that you notify them ahead of time to let them know you are coming, but you have a right not to. Spontaneous visits are allowed. Side note that many teachers wouldn't want me saying: You wanna see if your kid's teacher is as inept as you think she is? Go visit right after lunch or go visit halfway through a rainy day. But be respectful and be smart with your right: Always go to the office first to get a visitor's pass, don't make a huge loud scene upon entering the classroom, stand in the back, don't distract your child, and don't stand there with a clipboard and a concerned grimace taking 'notes'. As for smart, if you're there to witness your child's behavior, see if there's a way to watch from an open back door or a back window so that your child doesn't even know you are there. And don't tell them you are going to be there in the morning either. Duh!

'Opt Out' Rights:

- Whether it be a project, an elective class, a holiday celebration, a lesson, an athletic event, a series of lessons, or (Snap!) a 15-minute presidential address, you have a right to opt your children out at any and all times. And unbelieveably, that right is as strong today as it was on January 20, 2009.

Parents need to remember that they aren't just the 'customers' at a school. They are the boss too. Parents are, at base, responsible for their child's education. If we do not understand our rights, we are not doing a thorough job.

Today's hullabaloo could have been quelled with two things:

1. Parents knowing their opt-out rights


The other will be discussed in my next post.

Park & Recreation Registration: What a Labor!

February 9, 2009 5:40 a.m.. Our alarm went off. Our bags were packed, the pre-registration forms were stacked neatly on my special pillow, and Oma slept downstairs awaiting her three-day babysitting duty. Our other two children slept on, not aware yet that by day's end, they would welcome their new baby sister into the family.





But the alarm wasn't for her.





The alarm was set so that I could be on a computer at 5:59 a.m., along with every other Stay at Home Mother in town, ready to log onto our local parks and recreation department in order to register. This wasn't Harvard. This was well more serious. This was trying to get my daughter into the 9:00 Pre-school prep class because no way did I want to be in the 11:00 one yet again. Three times already we'd landed in that 11:00 crap-slot. We've done our time. This time I will conquer.





This was trying to get the kids into a swim lesson at the same pool and the same time on a day that we'd actually have enough parents per kid in our family to have enough in and out of the pool where needed.





This was trying to get my son FINALLY enrolled in his own class. Middle Child Syndrome was hitting him pretty hard-core as he hadn't even had but 21 months as the baby before the next in line came about. This kid needed something just for him!





6:00 a.m..





My looming belly got in my way as I clicked that laptop favorites section, found the site, logged in. Mommy was going to earn her baby that 9 a.m. slot! Wait! Messed up password. Phew! I'm on! Oh $%^, that's not for the Spring session, it's still coming up Winter! What the ... ??





6:03 a.m.





Yes! I'm finally on-line. Mommy is going to enjoy photographing her kids in the pool at the same time while totally dry as DAD could be there! Yes! Mommy is going to get Jackson his own class! Yes! Mommy is going to get that 9:00 a.m. slot.... But! &#%^! What??s





That 9:00 slot was already filled. A quick look at the clock and I noticed it was only just 6:04. At least 15 Mommies had ALREADY gotten on-line (Bet they didn't have a belly blocking their password!), gotten into the site (bet they had the Winter section come up correctly), and clicked in the code for the 9:00 class!





There is no sense wasting time panicking. The OBGYN expects us in that birthing room at 7:00 a.m. and I still need to get to the hospital and sign in. I don't have time to be pissed.





6:10 a.m.





We will settle ONCE again for the 11 a.m. class. Then swimming. Then Middle Child Syndrome. Now it's time to pay. Yes,I actually got my kids enrolled and still have time to grab a bite to eat. You never know how long it will take to birth a baby, you know.





6:11 a.m. It won't let my credit card go through.





6:12 a.m. I am on the phone with the Park & Recreation department. It seems their computers are having problems, but I should just go on and try again.





6:15 a.m.. $@*%^! The swimming class: Already full. Let's call the Park & Recreaction again, this time seeing if they can register us over the phone. Nope. (In hind-knowledge, I know they did this for others: I must have given off that "Don't worry, I have all day" vibe?) Back to the sign in page.





6: 20 a.m... Click in the 11:00 a.m. slot, this time really concerned that it's actually going to be full, then another swim class time, then the Middle Kid thing. It tells me that the kids are already registered. But they aren't! I haven't even paid! You.have.got.to.be.kidding.me! I guess I'll forego the shower, one that I won't be having again but in a hospital cubicle, for three or more days!





6:22: Sign on again and try to register again! Damn, it's letting one kid register and not the other!





6:25 a.m. I have a massive freak-out telling my husband what is going on, asking him what he thinks I should do, nearly in tears over the idea that my failure as a computer registrar is going to lead to my children not having anything to do ALL Spring, being behind all their friends in swimming, not being ready for pre-school, and having a son who will be so resentful due to his un-resolved middle child syndrome that he'll hate me forever.





Husband gives me a strange look: "Sara, we have to be at the hospital by 6:45 a.m.. Can't you do that there?"





6:26 a.m. It's not even worth it to explain this to him.





6:30 a.m. I am at my wit's end and the only thing that pops into my head is that I have to make up new children. This system has twice told me that my children have already registered and calling the P & R does nothing. I need to get creative. So, I make up a boy and get him enrolled in the Middle Child special, I make up a girl and get her in the swim class, and then the pre-school tells me that even the kid I'm trying to make up is enrolled, so I then make up a new one for that. Click the credit card information, cross my fingers, and then a 'click'.





6:36: My kids HAVE BEEN ENROLLED! We!ll, my 'new' kids, anyway. Swim Class: Yes! Class for Jackson: Yes! 11:00 slot Pre-school class: YES, how awesome is it that I got into that slot! How AWESOME! I love the 11:00 slot. Glad we could get in again. Fantastic luck!





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August 3rd, 2009, 6:00 a.m.. I have to do it again. Tasha isn't even old enough to take any classes. Too bad as I had an awesome name to give her new 'fake' sister when the registration goes haywire yet again.

Fight Osteoperosis

First, you get a tub of Cool Whip. Then you get an Oreo cookie crust pie. Then whatever leftover ice-cream hot fudge you had during your last fudge-binge should get pulled out of the nether-regions of the refrigerator where you put it during your "Weight Watchers: Tomorrow!" moment. Then you get some Oreo cookie pie filling. Mix it all up in some format, including about 1 1/4 cup milk, freeze it, and then stick some Oreo cookies on top (They sell low fat ones, no doubt). Wa-lah! Calcium.

The best part of this dessert is that you can eat about 1/4 cup of the pudding/Cool Whip mixture while preparing it, and no one can tell anything is missing in the finished product.

Let's all work together to fight Osteoperosis in every way we can.

Scrapbookingopoly

I have at least three large rubbermaid containers filled with scrapbooking supplies in my garage and one in the master bedroom. They are filled to the brim with papers, stickers, stencils, embellishments, scissors, punchers, embossers, and laminators. They probably are worth more than my entire wardrobe. Possibly my house, in that they have literally taken over my house. Not the payments, but the controlling interest.

And it keeps coming in. I have three children now. I take like 45 pictures of each kid a week, have 15 more forwarded to us or texted to us every month, not to mention we attract piles of receipts, brochures, posters, mementos, art projects, hair cuttings, and Thomas the Tank Engine postcards like poop seduces flies. These things end up in piles of their own, typically piled on TOP of said scrapbooking boxes, in some random semblence of order dictated by how many kids are tantruming at that moment. Only one tantruming? Things are placed in historical order. More of a typical afternoon? Things are thrown and scattered.

At some point a young mother stops and realizes that she's not going to be the perfect mom in playgroup, who manages to do laundry, cooking, working, or cleaning, while at the same time scrapbooking each memento into albums or shadow boxes (and journaling it next to it too!). Unless she does something quickly, she's going to end up buried in mementos without her sanity much less a recorded list of what toppings Junior asked for on his pizza his first day of soccer class.

I got to that point today. It hit me that pre-scrapbooking fad, life was easy. You bound your photographs in quick-and-easy photo albums, and any leftover mementos were either boxed or glued into 'Found Books". Found Books used to be really cool and unique, but once more modern 'scrapbooking hit', it seems they died. It was a simple spiraled notebook with hard cardboard-stock paper (much harder than in scrapbooking books), where you slabbed on glue, flung on menentos, and quickly write notes and dates next to items of importance. Acid-free paper be damned. Embelishments be damned. It wasn't about pretty. It was about getting it down, hopefully in some sort of order. It took 10 minutes to memorialize seven months of time. It was awesome!

I scooped up all three children to head to our local Michael's to buy the type of book that I used to use before all of the scrapbooking fanaticism. I wanted a Found Book.

We entered the store and noticed four aisles of stickers, one of embellishments, one of organizers, one of binders, one of paper, and one of various tools. Thousands of different types of paper, stencils, metal clasps, cut-outs were out on display. But nowhere could we find what we needed. When asked, the saleslady proudly showed me the lines of scrapbooking binders, pointing out how cute we could make it with newspaper backgrounds, calligraphy, and even computer print-outs of my journaling. Why not make a separate book just in regards to one of our outings? Why not a separate book for each child in each month? Why not laminate the receipt for the zoo trip and overlay it on the park map, where we've inserted pictures of our children at each spot?

Why? Because... just no.

So, now instead of easily putting the last year into a Found Album, I get to glue and tape these objects onto some flowery themed-paper (I have NO interest in making the paper match the items or the timing of this thing) in some hogwash order as now I'm just frustrated and have lost my initial drive.

All because scrapbooking has totally taken over the world of putting memories down.

My guess is that like me, hundreds of mothers out there have piles of photos, piles of trinkets, and boxes full of scrapbooking items that are rarely opened but often criticized. My guess is that, like me, these things are never going to all be scrapbooked beautifully. Let's face it: We spend all day setting up and cleaning up and organizing, why spend our free time doing the same thing? So, these mementos will sit, un-memorialized, for months.

And now I have something to blame: Scrapbooking. Scrapbooking, in all its modern day definers (Why not freeze-dry the actual rose your child picked for you, laminate it, magnetize it, and then press it onto a cut-out of your husband's sperm's sillouette as the co-creator of your child?), has created a monopoly in regards to memory-keeping.